The Challenge of Forgiving

We all make mistakes. Bottom line. We all need to ask for forgiveness, but what happens when it's our turn to forgive? Do we hold a grudge for a while or are we quick to turn the other cheek? Do we walk through the ugliness of being hurt by someone or do we ignore that it took place and move on too soon? What does it actually mean to forgive?

In the past few years I have experienced hurt on a really deep, intimate level and I have had to navigate through some extremely dark "stuff." It took a lot of prayer, reading, counselling, and practical application, to start figuring out what forgiveness really entails. I want to share some of the valuable things I have learned along my path of forgiveness.

1. Forgiveness is messy! It does not mean we are overlooking the wrong that has been done to us. In fact, it means the opposite. It means we are walking through the difficult emotions that come along with being hurt by someone and choosing to forgive in the face of it all. This requires us to really examine how another's behaviour has affected our lives and it isn't fun. Sometimes it means we need to let go of what we expected and embrace what is.

2. Forgiveness takes courage. When we forgive we are not magically overlooking the wrongdoing or allowing things to go "back to normal." Lewis B. Smedes states "Forgiving is tough. Excusing is easy. What a mistake it is to confuse forgiving with being mushy, soft, gutless, and oh, so understanding. Before we forgive, we stiffen our spine and we hold a person accountable. And only then, in tough-minded judgement, can we do the outrageously impossible thing: we can forgive."

3. Forgiveness is slow. It doesn't happen overnight. There is no exact time line surrounding forgiveness. It truly is a journey and one to be proud you are on. Give it time and don't try and rush yourself in the process.

4. Forgiveness is not just for those who care. Sometimes you will forgive those who haven't asked for forgiveness and who don't seem to recognize they have hurt you. That's okay. Forgiveness isn't about them. It's about you!

5. Forgiveness is freedom. When we forgive those who have hurt us undeservedly we can walk into the freedom to let more love in. Hate takes up a lot of space in our hearts and minds. As Smedes suggests "hate can be fatal when we let it grow to enormous size inside us...but whether your hate is a carcinoma growing hellbent for death inside your soul, or only a pesty heartburn, it will hurt you if do not use the right remedy...unchecked hate will do you in." Releasing the resentment is stepping into freedom. When you forgive you feel lighter...not weighed down by the wrongdoers poor choices.

I am still walking this path of forgiveness and I have to choose it daily. In learning to forgive others, I am also learning to forgive myself for the mistakes that I make. I am seeing that we are all broken individuals, prone to hurt others. The world needs more people who are compassionate and brave...willing to walk the difficult path of forgiveness.

#forgiveness #grace